The Last Meeting…..!

Amidst all the chaos & laughter, people were enjoying the occasion of my birthday and yet there was someone who seemed aloof from all this and it was no one else but me. I was happy! Happy, but not ecstatic. I was missing the presence of someone. Someone far away yet close to my heart, perhaps whose absence was tearing me apart. Flood of memories crept in like a longing which I’d been denying myself to feel. The feeling of pain I was going through was unbearable. It felt like somebody inside my heart was trying to sever it into pieces, quickly filling it with a sense of emptiness, an aching.  Before my emotions could take an inevitable detour, keeping a smile on my face, I sneaked back to my room. I realized I wanted some solitude away from the pandemonium.

The silence of my bedroom soothed my heart. I switched off the lights and lay down on the bed, closing my eyes. My eyelashes touched each other with such an ease as if they were waiting eagerly to take me back to the trance, the flashback where I met him last…..

Jostled by the crowd at the peak time in the evening, in a Churchgate bound train; I alighted at Bandra station with a sigh of relief! Yet with an excited feeling of seeing him after a long time. Trotting ahead & rushing through the station, I finally reached the spot where we always used to meet near the Axis Bank ATM, with my eyes continuously searching for him in the darkness of the winter evening. My heart was throbbing at triple its normal pace. The moment ‘Vipul’ came, my eyes were delighted to see him and I just couldn’t stop myself from asking him the same cliché question "Ain’t you getting enough food, why have you become so thin?” To which his reply was as usual “I’m still the same, feeling heavy, need to shed some extra kilos, momma.” We both started laughing at our cliché statements, followed with my advice, “don’t you dare lose weight, you look good like this!” We decided to go to bandstand as we both loved that place, especially the evening serenity near the sea with breeze adding to the calm ambience. We sat on one of the rocks in between the sea. And then we picked up from where we left things close to a year back.

Vipul started off with a slow voice, as if I was meeting a dejected soul than an effervescent man I knew before. He had a lot of problems because things were not really working well for him. He was waiting for results that would change his fortune after putting in a lot of hard work, he was indeed a fighter! The struggle had probably taken a toll on him shaking his confidence a bit. But I always knew he was capable of reaching the stars one day. Planting a peck on his cheek, I tenderly stroked his hair and instantly joked about his strands of grey hair to cheer him up! That was always one of my verbal weapons I used against him to annoy him & make him remember he’s turning old day by day. Talking to him I realized he had moved on in his life, prioritizing things, whereas I was still somewhere engrossed in the past. He was confident about his future, his life, about things he wanted, his ambitions, there was only one thing that was not included & it was me. I realized things have changed over a period of time; however I felt something shake loose inside, like the first pebbles skittering downhill before an avalanche.

The steady movement of the waves stretching out before me to the horizon seemed to cease for a moment. I looked at the sky even when there was nothing visible in the dark hiding my emotions and wondering where my thoughts actually lay. Vipul tugged gently on my arm and I came back to reality. We discussed things we left a year back. Somehow things had changed and reality had sucked the life force out of me, tossing me away as an empty shell, staring me in my eyes. I was a vortex of emotions that very moment. It took me a little time to regain normalcy. We ordered cappuccino for ourselves in the nearby CCD. And I poured some extra sugar in Vipul’s coffee to annoy him again. He glared at me & I immediately replaced his coffee with mine and he instantly smiled with a frown. After we were done, we decided to have a stroll down the seaside. The breeze was blowing with a mesmerizing touch. Talking about our earlier days, we had a hearty laugh & mischievous streak in our eyes. I embraced him, holding him tight as if, I never wanted him to depart. But I knew that moment of bliss would last only for few seconds and I will never see him again. We left the place in sometime. I pulled his cheeks, kissing them and strictly warned him not to lose weight.

We reached station. Incidentally our respective trains were about to come at adjacent platforms, although in opposite directions. We still kept on talking & smiling, my train was about to come, when Vipul finally hugged me again. His train too had almost arrived. He took my hand in his hand and my hand slipped. I realized it & kept my hand on his for a second without looking at him and immediately rushed for the train. That day I didn’t turn back to see him leave, because I knew this time it was forever. I had told him probably I’ll never see him again and I didn’t want to comfort my mind with any hope of things changing, though my heart wished, it was all a lie. But dreams seldom turn into reality. I wanted to cry my heart out & shed all my despair in the darkness of the night but I just couldn't bring myself to feel anything. For that moment I had turned stoic, completely numb to everything around……!

Somebody knocked the door and I was back from the trance. I didn’t answer & the person left, thinking I was asleep. But I was wide awake. The light of the table lamp made my silhouette in the background which looked lifeless and nondescript. I looked at his photo I had in my mobile phone and smiled cherishing the beautiful moments of annoying & loving him in our last meeting….!

The Romantic Clouds...!!!

Sitting by the sea side on the rocks and looking at the sun laying off, leaving the sky with a refulgent smile, I was totally lost in the serenity of the evening. I always find it very divine and soothing mixed with the feeling that the glory of the sunset reaches my soul with serenity of the sea healing it more. My idle mind was totally engaged in the beautiful nature. While I was enjoying myself, two eyes were affixed on me. Sitting very next to me, Vipul finally broke his silence and asked me “What is it that captivates you more than me?” And while I could sense a bit of irritation in his tone, I couldn't stop laughing at his stupid statement. Somehow I controlled myself making sure not to add to his rage. He was looking at the other side, obviously being annoyed with me. I moved close to him near his ears and gusted air from my mouth at maximum possible speed, to make him look at me. It made his ear drums numb for a minute and he looked at me knitting his eyebrows furiously. I took his hand in my hand and for a minute stared him straight into his eyes. Before we both could understand anything, the clouds started roaring giving a clear indication, it was about to rain. Within a fraction of second, we felt the droplets of rain water all over us. Each drop of rain was representing the joy in my heart adding life to the surroundings and to my feelings.

The aroma of the surroundings seduced my heart, especially the quixotic breeze that carried the aroma of stone & water mixed together adding colour to my emotions. Besides all these things, it was Vipul’s eyes that were drawing me towards him & I was totally immersed in his eyes. Quickly he broke my concentration and again started complaining stating the obvious ‘Where are you lost again?’ Tightening the grip of my hands on his, all I said was “Nothing captivates me more than your eyes. Your existence adds colour to my emotions, beauty to my soul, meaning to my life and my heart beats only for you.” And while I still couldn't keep my gaze off him, his lips showed an upward curve expressing his pleasure, to put that shy smile on his face, the perfect smile. He embraced me and I found solace in his arms, as if my arms were longing to wrap themselves around him.

Everything around turned out to be beautiful and the sudden advent of clouds added vibrant colours to our feelings and emotions. Gusty winds down the sea side and the special aroma of the mud & rain water mixed together gave my heart a pleasure divine and Vipul’s presence only added meaning to it, completing the picture. The ambiance was mesmerizing.

After a while we decided to leave the place and started walking towards our destination. While walking back, I thanked the clouds and also kept wondering how they knew exactly, what I wanted at that moment. Nevertheless I came to the conclusion that the clouds too were in a romantic mood. They wanted me to express my affection towards my beloved, so they added to the romance by pouring their heart out in the form of rain, leaving us mesmerized.

Crumble those inner barriers…!!!

Sometimes it happens that you pretend to be someone you are not. You try to wrap your wounds with layers of fake mirth when you are literally dying inside. You try to put that perfect smile on your face when you fall apart inside. You embrace the silence of your hollowness with a painful smile. Result a facade being created and you die ten times more to live up to that facade. The point is why can’t we just be ourselves, why can’t be express ourselves the way we want, why can’t we just vent out our emotions when we feel it’s just right? Why do we leave pieces of our heart here and there and then don’t have almost enough to stay alive? Ain't we humans? Why can’t we be glad to be human and have the guts to say that yes ‘we are human and frail and being chosen as one by god has made a huge difference to our soul?’ We make our soul suffer greatly, when we force it to live superficially. The soul loves everything beautiful and deep. Soul is the essence of life, life without it would be meaningless. Facade is like pieces of broken mirror, no matter how many times you try to put it up, it will pierce you with an excruciating pain.

I read somewhere that ‘God’ made this world in six days, but what exactly is the world? World is what you and I see, feel and believe. Whenever someone dies, a part of this universe dies too. Everything the person felt, experienced and saw dies with him, like tears in rain. We are a part of this universe, each of us different and unique and so we ought to live it differently. We are the masters of our own destiny and soul. The locus of control should always be in our hands, only then we can create things the way we want.         

There are people who are proud of their emotional independence, although the truth is they are as fragile as any other human being and yet they never ask for help, they fake it up. They believe in the unwritten rule that says ‘the world is for the strong’ and ‘only the fittest survive’. If that were true, human beings would never have survived because, as species, we require care and protection for several years. Remember we never learned to walk alone, that one finger was always there to hold and walk, those hands were always there for support when we stumbled and fell down.

If feelings had wings, it could fly high in the sky, if emotions had words to express itself it would have spoken its heart out, then why do we humans choke ourselves to the extent that we become numb to pain, why do we fail to express, to cry, to vent out our emotions??? Respect being god's beautiful creation. Life is just once! Sometimes it is ok to let your tears be the voice of your pain, take it out, it won’t make you frail, and you’ll be at ease. Sometimes it is ok when your thoughts suddenly flow out of your heart, let it be, don’t stop, you never know you might discover something, you never knew. Life passes most of us by, while we are busy preparing grand plans for it. Don’t let others dictate things to you and don’t be afraid of this world, be who you are. Be happy, don’t put those boundaries around yourself and pretend to be someone you are not. It’s ok to laugh hard, cry aloud and be mawkish sometimes, don’t hold your emotions, to be seen as strong by the world. You are strong already, you need not prove it. So next time don’t fake it or hold back, crush those inner barriers, break free your heart & soul and be the real you!

How to stem the rage within?

A mother attempts to murder her daughter by strangulation because she disapproved of her paramour. A seven year old girl is beaten & branded with hot spoons, tortured by her stepmother for two months running, needing hospitalization. A battered baby lies in AIIMS Delhi, battling for life for more than two weeks, finally succumbing to her injuries. A ninth class student kills his class teacher because she admonished him for his studies in front of the class. Every day, you will find one such piece of news that renders you completely dazed. And these are only some of the incidents of manic rage and the resulting havoc wrought, that we battle with today.

It is an uneasy head that wears such a crown, the crown of boiling fury that allows aggression to translate to bodily harm and a breakdown of all moral barriers – socio-economic, cultural and most heart-wrenching-familial.

I wonder are we even humans? We are known as civilized people observing some norms to co-exist with our society members. Where has the feeling of brotherhood lost? I guess now it’s all limited to the textbooks of school days, we once learned about. Anger has blinded us to the level that killing someone brutally or battering someone just seems like another task, without making our heart wrench even once. Such malice, such anger spewing would annihilate this beautiful place one day where we all live, leaving the heartless monsters to rip off the peace. What have we as a society fallen to? Worse, this aggression, should we say bloodlust, has percolated all levels of society.

Domestic violence is another issue, highlighted by the media every now and then which has become sharp and threatening like never before. I recently read a report that how even children today (as young as three years) need anger management classes and are increasingly being referred to mental health experts to help them tide over their relentless aggression. The innocence of childhood is taken over by the ogre of anger.

What to attribute to this rise in levels of frustration, such that it boils over, why, really, this Kolaveri Di? There are so many possible reasons for the rising frustration and hence aggression, be it at the world stage where the discontented fiscal rumblings in the US and Europe keeps us on the hook, or our local woes like that of intangible monsters like rampant corruption and scams, or the precarious state of the current government, or more tangible civic issues like the dismal state of city roads or lack of basic amenities, to those in need, finding it difficult to make ends meet - where to stop?

But stop it must, this raging fury in our society, before its destruction reaches unimaginable proportions. What we need to introspect on, is how to contain it before it becomes unmanageable, before the social fabric is rent beyond repair, before the nonviolence our country’s founding fathers were so emphatic about, becomes an anachronism to be found only in history texts and nostalgia. Before we kneel down and give up to our cruelty, we need to make ourselves more humane. Because only we can do it!

A beautiful night....!!!

Gazing at the beautiful velvety blackness of the sky

 I see stars embellishing the night’s robe so bright

The stars glittering & giggling with all their might

Even the diamonds magnificent glitz may fade & shy

Adoring the beauty of the night & savouring its sight

I suddenly felt a strong void missing you so more

I wish you were here with moments of bliss galore

And I could hold on to the beautiful memories tonight

Suddenly I realized, I was dreaming & all lost

Because there was no trace of you around

I could feel you as my heart was beating for you

And then silence pervaded, leaving me with memories abound!

With moistness, my eyes shifted its gaze towards the sky

And I see a star that breaks free & shoots to I don’t know where

With devotion I earnestly pray to it – Oh little star!

Will you take my wish to him, who is so far

Please tell him that I’m

Just a little lonely here……

A beautiful view...!!!

A mischievous ray of light parting through the clouds blessed the still water and all of a sudden, the current in the water generated joyful waves that splashed over the parched stones, soothing them. Just about a quixotic gentle breeze carried a special aroma of the stones & water mixed together as if they were longing to feel each other and breathe again.

Scribbleeeedddddd.....!!!

Trying to check the depth of my soul
I came to know there’s a deep hole
A huge void perhaps too deep to fix
Like a fervent bubble, ruthlessly pricked

Gripped by this sudden ruthlessness & gloom
The flowers of my heart’s garden just don’t bloom
Even though it’s sprinkled with water of love & care
The trust doesn't seem to fit again in the wrath & scare

Lived a beautiful lie that soothed my heart
Now the ugliness of it has just torn me apart
This creepy hollowness is quite killing inside
And is yearning to wake me up and bring respite!

This spirit of mine seems sleeping somewhere cold
My eyes no more open the doors to my dying soul
This numbness has gripped me deep down to the core
Leaving me in a partial slumber of deadness galore.

Unconquerable Soul...!!!

Here again my soul is seeping swiftly in the cruel darkness  

This pessimism is ripping me off, making me feel insane

This gory bloodshed of my dying soul is close to drain

And still I’m not wincing nor crying aloud,

I’m numb to pain; I’m numb to pain……!!!

In the fell clutch of circumstance, uncaught unknown

Sometimes silence can kill and bring uproar

Under the bludgeonings of chance, I won’t cry aloud

I may bleed but my head will be unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

And these desires and corporeal restrains

Looms a luminous pyre of flame, free and unafraid

Breathing serenity, undaunted by the horror of the shade

This darkness of the night that covers me

Is trying to paint me black with gloominess galore

And yet I’m unafraid, thanks to the strength of the lord,

For I’ve an unconquerable soul, an unconquerable soul…..!!!

Little deeds of kindness, few words of admiration…..!!!

How often do you come across people who deserve appreciation & accolades but end up receiving just a look of amazement, bereft of words? There may be many such instances we come across, & some we pioneer ourselves, isn’t it? I wonder sometimes are we even human? Your tongue never misses an opportunity like a sharp knife ready to rip off an enemy or anyone who is at fault in your books of right & wrong but extolling others becomes too big a deal for your pride to indulge in! And that’s how the title seems to be too big for you to have a quick glance, but in all probability I would say the message is very small, speak few words of politeness and praise, do little deeds of kindness, if not always to put a smile on somebody’s face, at least to satisfy yourself and to make yourself feel, you are still alive & humane. It is not impossible. These questions dangling before us aren’t big if we look at everything with a certain kindness & understanding that is mixed with tolerance. We can always furrow out solutions to these questions, if we really give it a thought & work on it.

Imagine your little deeds of kindness and words of appreciation can make somebody’s day. It can give him/her a ray of hope if they are kind of in a moping state. Being humans we all need it in proportion to survive and feel good. Why then we become so stingy in it sometimes as if we are dealing in money? Two words of admiration can give a high to someone & make him/her feel positive. Little deeds of kindness or helping someone will occupy a special place in one’s heart. When you come across such occasions, consider yourself fortunate that god has blessed you with an opportunity to make someone happy. Having said that I don’t mean that one should go faking about something or someone but genuine appreciation is a good gesture. If spewing venom & praying sinister for someone is easy, believe me being kind with good words and good deeds is indeed easier than that.

At least this is what I felt after my visit to Kala Ghoda’s fest this year. One thing which touched me was “Cube of Compassion” which was created by “Apun Ka Club”. The best thing was it’s for the children & by the children – it is meant for children. Inside the cube there were sketches with beautiful messages made by the kids. There were messages like “I gave a Jadu ki Jhappi to my sweeper & thanked her for her hard work.” “I did art work with mentally challenged kids and felt so good.” I offered a cold drink to a small girl & in turn got a cute smile.” “I smiled at three strangers today which made me feel cheerful.” Such beautiful messages with feelings more pronounced should only make us more humane. I really felt that. The message which they propagated was “Life is Giving” driven by the values of hope, faith, love, service, peace, care and which in turn gives meaning to life.

If small kids can have such deep understanding of all this knowingly or unknowingly, why can’t we sculpt an colourful life? Why can’t we be good to everyone around us? Sometimes I have seen people putting on airs unnecessarily to show their importance which I really detest. Helping someone in need is better than offering your prayers to god. Two words of appreciation can give someone immense pleasure & charge him/her with a new energy. Good deeds never go unnoticed. Even if others don’t notice, up above in the bright blue sky, our friend is taking note of it. The good you do, do comes back to you in some way or the other, i truly believe in it. Be good and do good and have a meaningful & colourful life. Do think about it today!

Sexist Men - Idiotic rather Parochial Beliefs..!

It was already a bumper year(2011) for obnoxious & dangerously stupid statements from Indian Police officials on the subject of violence against women. Adding to it sometime back Minister for Women & Child Development Mr. C C Patil of the BJP led Karnataka government made a statement blaming women’s for wearing provocative clothes, leading to an increase in rape cases in the country. And the same man was caught along with two other ministers for watching porn video clips in the state assembly yesterday. Mr. Patil where do you intend to shove your face in disgrace? I’m no moral police nor do I believe in moral policing. I only mind my business, but sorry to say this is something I do mind & everyone will for that matter because you’re an elected representative of the masses, that chose you to stand for them in the assembly. And if you can’t stand tall on their expectations at least don’t trample over them by resorting to such ignominious thing. Anyway in yet another instance Andhra Pradesh police chief Dinesh Reddy chimed in recently by blaming provocative dresses for an increase in rape cases in his state, saying this was beyond the police’s control.

A lot had been written about the politics of dressing, Besharmi Morchas, women’s rights vs Indian tradition, etc. Unfortunately, a lot of these debates get quickly bogged down in weighty discussions of culture & feminism. There’s a more immediate, materialistic issue that I haven’t seen discussed much: how prevailing official attitudes about the way women should dress & act are hurting the country economically. And also even after stepping in the 21^st century, why some men tend to act one like being in 18^th century? I believe it’s more in thoughts than a piece of cloth.

In most of the countries a woman can wear a short dress or a sleeveless t-shirt without attracting undue attention or comments or any societal disapproval whatsoever. She can wear such clothes on a crowded public street, while drinking a beer in a cafe, & often to work. The average woman who dresses this way is probably not consciously ‘dressing provocatively’; she may be simply wearing summer clothes because it’s hot. To be sure, she’s aware that men may find her attractive. But she considers herself safe, because she knows that most men can behave themselves, & that if she needs help protecting herself from the few violent types who can’t, she can turn to the police.

Women make up half the world’s population, & over the last century – statistically speaking, as a group-they have steadily become better educated, more financially independent, & more economically powerful. Today, women of all races & nationalities are managing companies, investing in new ones, & making high powered business deals. They are experts in specialized fields of management, engineering, governance, & social service. They also tour the world for pleasure, often spending their own money & travelling without male companions.

India is not a friendly place for these foreign businesswomen or solo women travellers. When they walk through the streets of our cities, they are subjected to uncomfortable stares, sleazy comments, & worse. The truth is that it hardly matters what they wear. One thing is for sure: when they hear top cops & officials like Dinesh Reddy & CC Patil spout chauvinist opinions that legitimize the harassment, it does not make them feel safer. These women’s will never consider touring India because of its reputation for ill-treating women visitors. Instead they will head for a friendly place where they can wear what they please & go where they like without fear of being leered at & sneered at by men.

And it’s not just foreigners. There are millions of smart, hardworking Indian women who rightly feel they deserve simple pleasures like being able to dress up & go out dancing with friends once in a while. We know India suffers from brain drain as many of our best educated young people decide to emigrate to richer, better-governed countries. This moral policing only adds to the list of reasons for our most capable women to want to leave.

Change has to come from the top. It is the government’s & police’s duty to protect law-abiding people from criminals. Officers who try to duck this responsibility by blaming short skirts & unlady like behaviour must be summarily removed from their positions, if India is ever to become a superpower. Also our attitude matters a lot for the change we foresee, a good one. Why can’t we just stop criticizing women for being skimpily clad or provocatively dressed? Why can’t we change our attitude towards the victims of sexual harassment & assault instead of blaming them? When will we step out of the age old societal moral purview? When will we allow our women’s to be what they are instead of making them what we want them to? Why in the disguise of shielding we kill their individuality? Civic Liberties are common for all, so should it be for every individual irrespective of sex. We need to change our outlook for a hassle free environment that beckons without any discrimination.

Life so trivial???? Not really just made out to be..!!!

(Written after the bomb blasts at Zaveri Bazaar, Dadar & Opera House on 13th July 2011 which claimed 27 innocent lives & injured 127 others.)

I wonder if life on earth could ever have been so inconsequential. Earlier people used to die because of diseases, earthquakes, other natural disasters which were just so natural. But today innocent souls have to pay with their lives because of terrorism. They are just caught unawares by this ghastly & heinous crime, without even knowing that death is awaiting them at the very next second. Why has life become so cheap??? Why killing innocent people have become so easy??? Why bereaving people of their loved ones have become a game??? Why do we always have to go through the unending torment??? So many questions yet no answers with silence prolonged...!!!

Terror once again raised its ugly head in Mumbai, taking innocent lives & injuring hundreds of people. The effect was such that the entire spot was strewn with body parts. The entire stretch of road was bloody. It was such a heart wrenching incident. My heart reaches out to the families of those who lost their near & dear ones and also to those who are scarred by this incident forever to come out of its torment. We will forget it after some days. But the families will never forget this cruel act of humanity which has left them with a void forever. May god rest the souls of the deceased in peace, in the heavenly abode. Amen..!!!

What irritates me the most is the number of politicians who don’t leave any stone unturned in registering their presence on such occasions to garner media attention & express their sympathy, if ever they really mean it!!! For them it is just another opportunity to fool around with the sentiments of people.

We all have to die someday, but I shudder to think if I have to die like this, without even knowing when I will breathe my last. So now I pray to god to give me a peaceful death than a good life…because who knows the most beautiful moment of my life turns out to be my last!!!

A very old poem written long back...!!!

Why did I fall in love with you?

I can hardly figure it out

I kept on searching for something new,

But never found another you

My love is true, my heart is pure,

I have never felt love like this before

Everyday I hear myself say...

Why don’t this feeling just fade away,

My heart beat pumps, my eyes flutter,

They say "My love for him will never wither.

"I have tried hard and so many times,

just to get you out of my mind,

But to do that is really not in my control,

Because, I really cannot separate the heart & the soul.

Nobody knows I hide it inside,

Every time I remember you, tears drop from my eyes.

I could never tell you how much I love you..

Just speak to my heart, how much it remembers you.

How much it cares for you!

The truth is we are world’s apart and can hardly come together,

But you'll be always in my heart

As a sweet reminisce forever...!!!

Ummeed zindagi ki....!!!

Kuch ummeedo ki jagah lakiro me khojte hai, hum khudko ko hamesha apno me sochte hai,

Kash yeh lamha na guzarta aur yeh pal yahi thehar jaata, hum jo chahte woh hame mil jaata,

Par yeh chahat bhi hume bemani si lagti hai, teri aarzoo bhi hume ab dhundhli se dikhti hai...

kyunki yeh ummid woh aasha ki kiran nahi jo sehar dekhegi,

Bas raaste mein paltegi aur daman chod kahi door chali jayegi,

Kabhi hasaayegi aur kabhi rulayegi,

Kash yeh ummeed haatho ki lakiro se badhkar hoti,

Jo hamari kalpanao ki udaan bharti,

Par likhne wale ne sab kuch itni khoobsurti se racha hai,

Hum bhi nahi samajh paate, kya uski marzi ya raza hai,

Bas tabtak isi tarah zindagi ke daavpench dekhte rahenge,

Uski likhi kitaab mein apne panne padhenge,

Par kash usne mujhe ek mauka diya hota,

Apni marzi se ek ummeed ko sach karne aur jeeneka,

Toh shayad ek ummeed main zarur puri karti,

Jise lakiro se chupake dil mein kaid karti....!!!

I wonder....

I wonder if I have closed the doors of my heart,

Just because I don't wanna get hurt again.

I wonder if the roads to the treasures of happiness were really long

Or I just missed them miles away..!!!

I wonder if I have secluded myself from the world

Or its just that I am trying to search my inner self…

I wonder if life is really bad or I am just trying to make it one…

I wonder if my memory is really strong…

Or I just try hard to recall things again & again…

I wonder why there was moistness in my eyes…

When there was nothing in my heart to say…

I wonder why I couldn’t express myself at moments of joy & pride

Just when it could have counted & probably made me felt alive…!!!

I wonder if I am living in a wonderland

Where reality needs to be touched upon…

Or its just that am trying too hard to survive in the

Deadly fret and fever of this hurried & frenzied life...!!!

Mystery of the Dark Night…!!!

The darkness was looming over the peaceful night 

Covering the moonlight, making it a dimmer sight

I couldn't sleep nor wink, with my eyes wide awake

My heart started pounding as if some sinister was about to take place…

Different battle of perceptions started playing games

In my mind’s eye, I could envision their fate

Terribly shocked, I moved from my place 

Giving my mind the much needed respite….

I looked at the window pane with a relieving sigh…

The glass of the window reflected my image….

For a moment I felt, the image was less corporeal

And more of a soul exhibiting light like a luminous pyre of flame….

The soul was beaming with a resplendent diffusion of light

Giving it a beautiful divine look, of being as pure as the driven snow…

In the twinkling of an eye, everything vanished into thin air…

Ending my hopeless quest of delving into it any further…

That sight acted as a ministering angel and

I started again to move back to my place

With the divine pyre of flame being the last thought on mind

My eyelashes touched each other finally giving me a peaceful sleep....!!!

Life in a maximum city...!!!

Time and again Mumbai has always been criticized for its indifferent behavior with respect to any initiatives taken in the interest of the society or India at large. The recent one in case was Anna Hazare’s fight against corruption where he was expecting around a lac of people, which eventually quite turned out to be a damp squib. Only 10,000 people gathered to show solidarity with another freedom movement – freedom against corruption! And not much to my surprise everyone took it in a bad light, especially our so called elected representatives sitting in the parliament, who didn’t leave any stone unturned in proving that, this meant mumbaikars are not with the movement, giving it unnecessarily a political colour. It’s easy to make interpretations by sitting idle at one place, but how many of us view this world through the other person’s eyes? How many of us empathize than sympathize? How many of us know what it means to be a mumbaikar? 

It’s a fact that Mumbai has pots of money but very little time. This isn’t today’s lament. If you venture in the past and read about life back then, you will find that the city’s character remains the same. Only the name has changed. People say, it is easier for us to criticize about whatever is wrong & get on with our daily lives than to drop the onerous task of living in a ‘fast’ city, even for a while, & get down to fixing problems. It is this standoffish manner of ours that has allowed a few chauvinists & extremists to lord over the city for the past several decades.

My question to such people, will you come to feed us if we don’t work for a day? Where were y‘ll when Mumbai showed spirit & valour against all the ghastly acts of humanity that scarred its soul like a deep wound, difficult to heal. The resilience displayed by us is something beyond the understanding of the political or benefit prone zealots. We may not have time to spare but we stand united against things. An average mumbaikar can binge on a vadapav and sleep on a pavement to get things going without cribbing. There are people who earn money per day to survive. Their day’s toil & sweat earns them bread and butter at the end of the day. They are survived by their families, so a day’s labour means a peaceful sleep in the night. Such people can only show solidarity through sentiments and not through physical presence. There’s only one word mumbaikars know – go on!!! It’s in the blood of Mumbai, come what may be our adrenaline rush is enough to push in things. We help each other in the times of crisis and this is what I love about Mumbai. Being a regular commuter myself, I have seen people helping a faint person to reach hospital. Ten hands ready to help an old woman collect her basket of goods scattered all over the place. That’s real Mumbai, a feeling of togetherness and brotherhood. To stand collectively, hold on to its nerves in testing times and fight against all odds to get going without waiting for support.

We may be considered as a slave of time but it is erroneous to jump to the conclusion that we don’t stand against a cause. We have always supported & voiced our concern from time to time (if not by physical presence, at least verbally & in spirits). We are willy-nilly disciplined persons. We are law abiding citizens and follow proper systems like true-blue mumbaikar (that’s how we end up paying the maximum tax!)

To conclude all I would say is, if you can’t understand, please don’t try to berate & degrade us. We never fail to display the resilience during tough times, giving essence to our existence of a true-blue mumbaikar. We are not irresponsible, just a little busy, trying to keep pace with the ever running life. It keeps us on our feet, perhaps making us feel, what it means to be a part of a maximum city that never stops….!!!